The day after Breaking Bad dropped its much-hyped final episode and dominated Twitter on September 29, Phonte of The Foreign Exchange compared the acclaimed Bryan Cranston drama to the work of Nas and equated The Wire with Nas’ former rival Jay Z. It led to Phonte tweeting a bunch of TV show-as-rapper analogies that are mostly dead-on.
His Mad Men/Eminem analogy is funny and so true. Phonte tweeted, “#MadMen is Eminem: Technically FLAWLESS, but I can only listen to the existential angst of rich white men for a short while.” I agree with all of Phonte’s analogies, except for his Wire analogy (personally, I think The Wire, which wasn’t as popular in the ratings or with the press as Breaking Bad was, is more like De La Soul or the Coup, acclaimed and highly respected acts that don’t have—and don’t care about attaining—the album sales of Nas or Hova) and what he tweeted about The Simpsons.
Um, no. The Simpsons isn’t the Roots. The band is still making great albums. The Simpsons hasn’t been consistent in quality since season 8.
Phonte’s analogies have got me thinking about other TV shows and which rap acts they would be. I was going to post all of the following on my Twitter feed, but 80% of my Twitter followers are middle-aged white people who think Tanya Morgan is that actress who played the red-haired Angel on Charlie’s Angels, so whenever I tweet anything about hip-hop, it’s like I’m speaking Klingon. I’m better off posting my analogies here at Word Is Bond.
The Bernie Mac Show is also Nas: The man of the house doesn’t get along with the teenage girl.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno is also Eminem: It’s 2013, and you’re still doing Monica Lewinsky jokes?
Sleepy Hollow is Rapsody: If you’re a nerdy black girl, the writing will make you feel like you’ve died and gone to heaven.
Portlandia is Blue Scholars: Mad acclaimed, based in the Pacific Northwest and has a fondness for obscure references.
The Boondocks is the Coup: Often fearlessly tosses a chair at the far right or the establishment. Also, one of the guys is named Riley.
Better Off Ted is ‘Ye: Anti-corporate despite the corporate appearance. Also full of batshit crazy one-liners.
Any drama where Dylan McDermott is shouting is Meek Mill: And now, Garrett Morris presents Entertainment for the Hard of Hearing!
Any David E. Kelley legal drama like Ally McBeal, The Practice or Boston Legal is the Fugees: Does lots of covers of old songs. A wack portrayal of Asians ruins the proceedings.
Roc Live is post-Fugees-and-Miseducation-era Lauryn Hill: Expect lots of flubbing of lines.
Veronica Mars is also post-Fugees-and-Miseducation-era Lauryn Hill: Tossing her into the can(cellation bin) was so fucking wrong.
The Walking Dead is Dumbfoundead: Rarely do you see an Asian brother get laid on TV as often as he does.
Elementary is Awkwafina: Why aren’t there more Asian American female characters like her?
Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell is Hieroglyphics: Hailing from the Bay Area—and very middle-aged—but frequently coming correct despite the age.
Friday Night Lights is the Beastie Boys: Yeah, they were white, but they were so dope at what they did that we wished they were our parents.
Martin is OutKast: The two big stars can’t stand to be in the same room with each other anymore, but when they were together, it was magic.
The Scottish cop show Taggart is Slum Village: The main guy died a long-ass time ago. They should have just changed the bloody name.
Parks and Recreation is an Atlantic Records rapper: Keeps getting delayed and fucked over by the suits.
All two seasons of NBC’s Smash are Lil Wayne: For real?! That’s what you came up with?
Fox’s upcoming 24: Live Another Day is LL Cool J: Aw jeez, that Republican show is still around?